Overspending 101: Why We Do It, and How to Stop

Well this one is far overdue (like many of my credit card payments were once upon a time). Money is my favorite topic to coach on because money has been the area where coaching has most significantly impacted my life in the best way possible. Not to oversell it (see what I did there?) but coaching on money - my money mindset, beliefs, habits, and results - has been my best investment to date. It doesn’t mean I am sitting on piles of cash as I write this. It doesn’t mean I have all the money I want (yet).  But it does mean I have what I need, I know how to make more whenever I need to, and I spend very little time actually ever worrying about money - because I’ve learned how to manage my mind around money. And that includes how to manage my mind around spending money….which leads us to today’s topic: overspending. 

Overspending (or the artist otherwise known as “being in debt”) is a wildly common, and incredibly taboo topic even in the personal development space where we seek out common and taboo topics and unpack them as a living. When you break it down (which is what you need to do to make any big, scary, taboo topic less so), overspending is literally just math. “Overspending” itself isn’t even a thing - it’s just an idea. It’s a thought. We need to define it and assign meaning to it before it ever has a power. Overspending can mean spending more money than you have, resulting in a negative number (or debt). Overspending is also spending more than you planned to, or want to…whether that’s on a new car, or on a salad at lunch.

Overspending in and of itself doesn’t mean anything - it’s not a problem. It’s simply math. You planned/wanted to/had X amount to spend, and you spent more than that. That’s all. Where we get into trouble is when we assign a meaning to that math….We decide that because we’ve overspent we are careless or reckless or irresponsible. We think it’s proof we will never make enough money or get out of debt or have everything we want. We make it mean something about us and our lives that is permeant and fixed and unchangeable. And so we then feel bad - we feel like this is our lot in life, or our dirty little secret, or just the thing we could get a handle on if we were better people but we’re not, we’re fuck ups who can’t keep it together enough to avoid the next Prime Day sale and this, a life of debt and shame and more debt, is just our fate. And we feel so bad about ourselves and our choices and our situation that to make ourselves better we (wait for it….) overspend. 

Overspending isn’t about buying a thing. And it isn’t about keeping up with the Kardashians. And it isn’t about being reckless or careless or destined to a life of minimum payments.

It’s 100% about how we feel. Just like absolutely everything in life is.

We overspend for the same reason some of us overeat or overdrink or overwork or overexercise or overNetflix or overdoomscroll or anything else we do too much of to our own detriment…..we do it because we’re trying to avoid feeling something. And we’re just looking to feel better.

That’s it. It’s that simple.

If you’re willing to feel disappointed that you haven’t lost weight, you may not feel the need to buy new clothes or the latest a celeb-endorsed diet shake or another gym membership 

If you’re willing to feel sad about missing the trip that’s out of your budget, you may not feel the need to throw down your credit card and go on the girls weekend you can’t afford

If you’re willing to feel frustrated that your career isn’t where you thought it would be by now, you may not online shop during a lull between meetings to make yourself feel just a bit better

If you’re willing to feel lonely because you don’t have the partner or parents or kids or friendships you want right now, you may not jump at Influencer XYZs latest #ad in order to avoid feeling down

Feeling disappointed or sad or frustrated or lonely or any other “pit in my stomach” emotion is, of course, shitty. Wanting to avoid it or get a hit of happy from the dopamine rush that comes when you add to cart is totally normal. It’s just not that useful. Because the high, like any of them, lasts for just a short time. And then you’re back to your reality, and all those feelings, except this time you also have a spending hangover too. So really, what you’ve purchased is a moment of escape with a side of shame. And your money could be put to better use than that. 

Start feeling and you’ll stop overspending…and if you don’t believe it can be that easy just try it for a day or a week…what do you have to lose, (except debt)?