Episode 3: "I can't get back into shape"

This episode will walk you through the problem of trying to get "back" into shape. Life coach Stephanie Finigan will talk through her own experience of trying to become a runner like she was in the past, the problem with "past focus" thinking, and how to change your thought patterns to be future focused instead, which is the key to accomplishing your goals.

Hey friend, welcome to another episode of the I'm the Problem podcast. I'm your coach, Stephanie Finigan, and on today's episode, we're gonna be talking about the problem of trying to get back into shape. My goal with this podcast is always to bring you an episode that's about something I've gone through or my clients have gone through, ideally recently, and how I coached myself through it so that you can have really close to real-time examples of how coaching works and hopefully pick up tools or resources or practices that can help you wherever you are in your life.

This one, the problem of trying to get back into shape again, is really timely because this is something that I've been actively working through for the last few months and something that coaching has really helped me with. In this case, I'm talking about the problem of trying to get back into shape broadly, but I'm going to use the experience that I've had specifically with trying to become a runner again after a long pause in running. So while the specifics of becoming a runner again might not apply to you or your situation, the process and the tools I'm going to outline here aren't specific to running.

So this episode is really about starting something again that you used to do, you used to be good at, and then for whatever reason you've moved away from and you want to get back to it. I think a lot of us can relate to this. A lot of us have things, whether it's related to your physical health or something else that you used to do frequently, we get a little older, life gets busy, time gets away from us, and suddenly we haven't done that thing in a while and then we want to get back to it and it feels so overwhelming and so intimidating that we kind of think, why bother? So I'm going to walk you through what my experience with this has been and how I coached myself through it, but I want you again to sort of remove running from your brain if that's not applicable to you and just replace that with anything that you can think of in your life that you've wanted to do again that you used to love to do and that maybe you're a little intimidated or overwhelmed to get back into it because you've taken a step away for a while.

Okay, so running. So I started running in 2003, and for, so 20 years ago now, which is crazy. And for a long time, that was my primary and really my only form of working out. And while I was never like an incredibly talented runner, I was never super fast, I was decent at it and I was a good endurance runner. But in the past year or so, that has really faded for me. I finished a marathon in October of 2022. I had a pretty terrible race at that point. I was not trained the way I should be. And I just, it was just a rough experience. And around that same time too, I had started going to Solid Core regularly. For those of you that have Solidcore near you, you might've heard of it. It's basically a reformer Pilates workout to the N-th degree, right? It's really, really hard. Totally focused on strength training and core training and I love it. And it was, at that time, really new to me. So I started doing that regularly and was just doing a lot less running than I should have to run that race.

All to say, I ended up, after that race, just being completely burned out and deciding I was just going to take a big break from running for a while. For the first time in almost 20 years, up until then, running had been really my thing. It was a huge part of my identity, in addition to being my primary workout and way of staying in shape. So I took that break, and then for a long time, I just didn't even think about running. But a few months ago, I did start thinking about it again. I'd see runners out on a Saturday and I'd get a little jealous, or I'd read something about like a fall marathon online and I'd get a little more jealous. So I started thinking, okay, maybe I'm ready to pick it back up again. Maybe this break is done and I'm ready to come back.

And then, of course, my thoughts get involved, right? As they are want to do. So a part of me really wanted to run again, but a huge part of me thought that the idea of starting from day one to try to get back into the running shape that I had been in was just a complete and total effing nightmare. Like, I was thinking back to how much I'd suffered in 2022 at my last race. And then I thought about the years prior when I was in great shape and ran races really well. And I was like, there's just no way I can get back to doing that again. I'm too far removed. I'm too far out of shape. My life has changed too much. It doesn't accommodate that kind of running anymore. I can't do it."

And then I started just to get really mad at myself. How did I fall this far? I always swore I wouldn't be one of those people that fell off running when I hit my 40s, particularly because I was somebody who never, knock on all the wood, but never had any injuries or any reason to stop running. So I just started beating myself up a lot. Like, I can't believe I'm this out of, like, I can't believe I'm this far gone from where I was. And I got really frustrated with that. Me not being the runner that I once was, was something that I was turning into this huge fucking sad story that because I wasn't currently the runner that I once was, all sorts of other things must be true, right? So I was thinking thoughts like, I'll never be a runner again. I'm too old and it'll take too long to start up again. I've gone too far to the other side to make a comeback. It'll take so much work. Like, what's the point? I've got too many obligations now.

My mind is really spinning out. And I kind of like to think about if we don't stay on top of our thoughts all the time, it's like giving the car keys to a toddler and saying, drive, kid. If you're not paying attention, your brain is going to do a lot of things or go to a lot of places that you, as a grown adult, wouldn't really do, right? Wouldn't normally do. It's not where you want to go. But if you're not paying attention, your brain is going to start to do things and say things that aren't really helpful for you, simply because that's what it's used to doing. Those are thought patterns you've had for a while. Or because those thought patterns are gonna keep you nice and safe and doing what you've always done, which is what our brain likes to do. So what I knew was that none of the thoughts that were flooding my brain were facts, and they certainly weren't useful. They definitely weren't gonna get me off the couch and get me into my running shoes. So as a coach, I knew I needed to clean up my thinking before I did anything else.

The only way to get yourself to take the actions that you want to take and get the results that you want to get is to first change how you think and feel about the actions. That's it. That's the secret to all of this. If you have the mindset part figured out, everything else will follow. So here's the process that I use to get my mindset straightened out around this topic. And again, you can insert anything in here that's relevant to you, whether it's running or getting back into shape or anything else that you once did that you stepped away from for a while and now you want to do it again. This process will also apply to you here.

So the very first thing I did and the thing I would recommend for you to do is to first and foremost just notice where your thoughts are and where they are pointing to. So for me, I was thinking, where are my thoughts pointing to? Are they pointing to the past or are they pointing to the future? So when I thought about going for a run and I got that dread or that defeated feeling, I just got really curious because all the thoughts I had, like I'm too old, it'll take too long to get back into shape, blah, blah, blah, what's the point, all that shit, it was all because I was sitting here as me today comparing myself to who I was in the past. That's where those thoughts were coming from. For a lot of reasons, that's just not a useful thing to do. I'll talk about past and future selves in another episode, but basically, me focusing on where I once was going to be far less useful than me focusing on where I wanted to go.

It's true for two reasons. One is, and it sounds very obvious, but we have to say it, the past is done and it can't be repeated. It's over. The book has closed on the past, whether the past was 20 years ago or 20 minutes ago. You can't repeat it. So looking at where I was as far as being a runner was just not useful for me because no matter what, I can't go back there. So I hear people do this all the time, like, oh, I just wish I could go back to my 20s or whatever the thought is, right? At the end of the day, even if that's genuinely how you feel, right? And maybe it is, but even if that's genuinely how you feel, that line of thinking is simply not useful because you can't rewind the clock. We can't get into a time machine. So just noticing that and noticing, again, it's using the driving analogy, it's like you're driving your car down a dead end street, like where are you going? What are you doing? You can keep doing it, or maybe even a better one is just like it's like you're driving your car but you're hitting the gas but the car is in park, right? It's like you're just spinning your wheels. You can't go anywhere doing that. And so that's why thinking anytime you're comparing yourself to the past or thinking I wish something XYZ because of the past, it's not useful because it's not possible, right? Stop putting your foot on the gas if the car is in park. You can't go anywhere. Okay, so that's the first thing.

The second thing is I am a different version of myself now than I was in the past. So even if I could wake up today and run the pace that I used to run four or five years ago, right, like even if I could just wake up and just do that, I today, I'm in a totally different place and I'm a different person because I've had so many different experiences since that point in the past that impact who I am and how I run today. So even if I physically could get, quote, back to that pace and that speed I was at, my mindset has shifted. Perhaps my body composition has shifted. Maybe there's something else that's changed because things are different now because I'm in a different time and place. That's what happens when we experience things. Nothing has gone wrong, but you are not who you were two years ago or 20 years ago, no matter what. You could look back and be like, nothing's happened and nothing's really changed or I'm still the same. Sure, a lot of ways you are, but you also are not. Biologically and in terms of your thought patterns, in terms of your life experience, all of that stuff. There's so many things that have changed in your life in the last two years, in the last 10 years, in the last 20 years, in the last two months. So comparing yourself to who you were in the past, even if you could get back there, it's like you're comparing yourself to a different version of you, right? So you could think about it like I'm a brunette and if I'm thinking about my past self and my past self as a runner and I'm trying to compare myself to her I could think about her as like a blonde meaning like that's a version of me that just doesn't exist anymore it's me but it's not the same me as today because so much stuff has happened in life so trying to compare myself to the blonde me from the past doesn't make any sense because I'm brunette now looking back there it's just looking at a different version of you. And that is not going to be helpful. It's not an apples to apples comparison. It's apples to unicorns. You are a different person now. So step one here is just to notice your thinking. Like I said, what are you thinking when it comes to starting over or trying to get back to where you were? And are those thoughts past focused or are they future focused? For most of us, they're going to be past focus. So it's just really good to notice that.

Okay, the second step. After you notice the thoughts you're having, and you notice the language you're using, I have to start over, I want to get back there, I wish I could get back there, I used to be good at this, just noticing all of those. The next thing to do is notice the feelings that come up when you have those thoughts. So it'll be a little bit different for everyone. But for me, when I'm thinking a thought like I want to get back there, or I have to start all over again, or I want to get back to where I was, or I used to be good at this, the feelings that those thoughts create are feelings of like being really deflated, or disappointed, or defeated. And it's actually our emotions that create our actions. So our emotions drive our actions. So when you're feeling an emotion like disappointment or defeat, the actions that you take from that place will likely not be super productive or positive. So the result that you're going to get is probably not great. For me, when I was thinking, I have to start running again, or I used to be good at this, I was feeling the emotion of defeat like it was over before I even started. So my actions from that place of defeat were shocking, not great. I'd think about running, but I wouldn't go do anything about it. Or I'd see other runners and feel jealous, but not really deal with it. And I just kind of had this minor mental pity party going on about how bad I felt about myself. And my results from those actions were that I just didn't start running again. So again, for you, with whatever example is relevant to you, when you're thinking, I have to start over, or I used to be good at this, or I wish I could get back there, or this is gonna be too hard for me to do now, whatever the thought is, choose one of those thoughts, just any one of them, and then make a point to notice the emotion that's coming up when you think that thought. What is the feeling that's coming up for you? And then once you identify the feeling, ask yourself, what actions are you taking from that feeling, right? So what you're gonna probably find is that the actions really are what they're doing is they're actually gonna reinforce the thought that you're thinking. You're thinking this is gonna be too hard, you feel defeated, you don't actually go out for a run, then yeah, it's gonna be hard because you're not getting back out there. So just start to notice that.

Okay, so step three is just to flip this around, right? So we've got the same circumstances. So for me, I haven't run in almost a year. So rather than start with the thought, I'm going to start running again, or I want to try to run again, or anything like that, a much more useful thought is going to be something like, I'm starting to run. I'm going running. I'm going for a run. Drop the word again from the statement. For you, it might be something like back or like if you're thinking about going back there or I wish or whatever the word is that keeps you clinging to the past or keeps you in the mindset of trying to repeat the past, drop it. So for a lot of you, it might be the word again, like mine was, right? So for me, “I'm starting to run. I'm going for a run. I am running”, right? Those thoughts became much more useful to me because it really was the opportunity for me to start from here, start from where I am right now without focusing on the past.

It may seem like a really small thing and it is. We're talking about dropping one word or just tweaking a thought, right? But I'm not going to sit here and tell you to think like running is going to be easier, I'll get back into shape really easily, or I'll be able to run that super fast pace. Like, no, if you start to say thoughts to your brain that you don't believe, your brain will call bullshit on you. Like your brain is smart. Your brain knows when you don't believe it. And so it's not going to believe those thoughts. And therefore, those thoughts won't translate into emotions that make you feel motivated and then those emotions won't translate into the actions and results that you want. So you've got to start thinking of a thought that you believe and keep that thought in the present moment. “I'm starting to run; I'm going running; I am running; I'm going for a run”, like present or future moment. And by doing that, you're really going to start to then generate feelings that are much more conducive to getting you the result you want.

So when I started practicing the thought, “I'm starting to run”, or when I started thinking, “I'm going for a run” or “I am running”, I started feeling just a little bit more confident, not a ton of confidence because it was still hard to do. But I felt in that moment more confident than thinking, “I wish I could run this certain pace. I wish I could get back to how fast I used to be. I can't believe I stopped running”. Like that was such a mistake. Rather than focusing on that, it was “I'm starting to run”. And so from there, I'm feeling more confident. When I'm feeling more confident, I'm much more motivated and likely to take the actions of putting on my sneakers and actually going for a run and putting it on my calendar and making it part of my routine. And then the next thing you know, I'm out the door on a much more regular basis.

So for me, when I changed this thinking, the intimidation and the overwhelm I'd been feeling about trying to get back to where I once was, it all shifted. And I focused instead on right now and where I wanted to go. My current self looking to my future self instead of letting my mind wander backwards.

I'm not marathoning yet. I'm doing about three miles a day right now, a couple of days a week, and I fit it in around other things. It's not my number one priority right now, the way that it used to be, but that's okay. It's still a big shift from where I've been the last few months. And none of that happened until I shifted my mindset to focus on where I am and where I want to go. That is what changed everything for me.

So for you, whatever it is, if you want to get back to doing something or you want to do something again, practice this process. Again, I'll recap it here. It's three steps.

One, noticing if your brain is going to the past or the future and just making a note of that it probably is going to the past, which is why you're getting stuck. So just make a note of that.

Two, notice the thoughts that you have as well as the feelings that those thoughts create and then the actions and results that come from those feelings. So again, you can just choose one thought that's coming up for you and just be like, God, how does that feel? What is the feeling? And then just follow the thread. Ask yourself, once I feel that way, what's the action that I take? And once I take that action, what's the result that I get? Just pay attention to that.

And then number three is flip it around. By keeping the goal the same, your goal isn't changing, but change the thinking to something that's much more useful. So drop the again, drop the back then, drop the I used to. Any words that are in your thoughts that are allowing you to still cling to the past, just notice those and drop those out so that you can start practicing the thoughts that will plant you right here and focus you on where you are now and where you want to go, not where you used to be.

Thinking new thoughts, just like running, it's going to feel a little clunky and awkward at first, it always does. But once you get yourself into the habit of thinking this way by practicing the new thoughts a lot, and you can do that by writing them down, you can do that by putting them, I like to put a note in my phone, you can have a sticky note somewhere, just start to practice the new thoughts. It's going to get faster and easier to think that way, and you'll do it with a lot less effort the more often you do it, just like running, just gets easier the more you do it.

Okay, so that's the process, guys. That's what it looks like to start to change your thinking and move yourself away from the past thinking so that you can focus on future thinking and really address the problem of trying to do something that you love again. It is totally possible. Never ever believe the story that you're too old or that you can't start again and you can never get back to where you were. Look, it's all such bullshit in your brain. Stop it right now. If you want to do something, you totally can. You put your mind to it and you can. And that's not just, you know, self-help, blah, blah crap, because there is a process to this. So apply this to something specific in your life that you've been wanting to get back to or wanting to do again and get yourself focused on forward momentum.

Thanks again for listening and I will catch you guys on the next episode.