Ep. 29: Overcoming Self Doubt Around Your Pivot (or anything else)

Self doubt can creep in and put a stop to even the most confident person’s plans to make a big pivot in their career, personal life, or anywhere else. Self doubt is sneaky because it’s often disguised as us being “responsible” when really, it’s just our fear preventing us from going after the things we really want. In this episode you will learn 5 coaching concepts which can help you move through your self doubt and get you back on track to finally make your big pivot.

Hey there, welcome to another episode of the I'm the Problem podcast. My name is Stephanie Finigan. I am your host and coach. And today's episode is all about overcoming the self-doubt that you have around making your big pivot.

So let me break that down for a minute and explain what I mean by that. Making your big pivot is obviously something that I talk about a lot on this podcast as well as across any other area that I might be talking about coaching because that's largely what I coach people on which is they want to make some sort of life change or they've got many life changes they want to make. So you might be thinking you want to change careers, change some aspect of your relationship, change your relationship status, you might want to move or lose a bunch of weight or finish a marathon in a certain time or finish a marathon at all or write a book or pay off debt or get married or get divorced or started on profit or any number of things that you might want to do. That is what I mean when I talk about making a big pivot. It's going from where you are now to somewhere new and likely what's happening when you think about that is that all sorts of thoughts and feelings and “I don't knows” come up because that's what our brains do.

Whenever we try and change, our brains like to throw lots of stuff at us to prevent us from making that change. And so you're likely sitting in a whole bunch of feelings that are probably preventing you from taking the actions that you wanna take to get the results that you want. That's just the chain of events. That's what happens to every single person who goes through a pivot or who makes some sort of big change. It's happened to me, it's happened to all of my clients in one way or another, and frankly, it's happened to most people that I know. Whenever they want to do something different or make a big change, break up with someone, get together with someone, buy a house, move to a new city, get a new job, quit a job, whatever it is, there are a lot of thoughts and feelings that come up with all of that, as well as a lot of noise from the outside world, everyone else having an opinion, right? And it can be hard to shut all that out and focus on actually taking the actions that you want to get the results that you want.

So today's episode is going to focus on one of the most prevalent feelings that comes up whenever anybody thinks about making a big pivot, and that is the feeling of self-doubt. So this can come up in lots of different forms and lots of different ways, but I'm just going to talk broadly about self-doubt today, and specifically I'm going to talk about five different, you could call them coaching mantras, but they're really not. I'm not a big mantra person, but it's more like coaching ideas, coaching thoughts, coaching mottos, coaching mantras, coaching lessons that can help you overcome the feeling of self-doubt and help move you forward so that you can start taking action towards the pivot that you really wanna make. Or maybe you're somebody that's in the middle of a pivot right now and you're just looking for a little extra motivation, or maybe you're almost to the end of your pivot but you're having trouble getting over the finish line. Wherever you're at on the pivot curve for you, this episode will hopefully give you the nudge, the nugget of wisdom, the something that you need to help propel you forward and over your finish line and to officially making that pivot, which is my hope for everybody listening.

So, let's talk just a little bit about what self-doubt is and where it comes from, and then we will get into the five coaching ideas that I will walk you through. So when it comes to self-doubt, what's important to remember is that self-doubt is an emotion, it's a feeling. And what that means is two things that are really important for the coaching work that we do. One is whenever you have a feeling, it creates a vibration in your body. Like quite literally, you can feel it. And most of the time, we work very hard as humans to not feel our feelings. I personally, and this is just a joke amongst my coaching friends at this point, but like I hate feeling my feelings. It's like the worst thing in the world to me. I'd rather do almost anything else. So I get it if you're one of those people. For me, I like to over busy myself so that I don't feel my feelings, right? So I will cram my schedule crazy. I'll set a thousand goals. I will keep myself incredibly busy that I don't have to feel my feelings.

The other thing that I tend to do is like literally drown out my feelings with noise. I usually have like a show running in the background whenever I'm doing something. So I'll just have something on Netflix or whatever, just like playing, not because I'm watching it and not because I'm even particularly interested in it, but it's just because I want the noise so that I don't think the thoughts and then feel the feelings that are coming up for me in any given challenging situation. And self-doubt is definitely a feeling that comes up for me, and it's definitely a feeling that I really want to avoid.

So when self-doubt comes up as a feeling, as an emotion, like I said, it creates a vibration in your body that we all try and avoid, but it does. Like for me, self-doubt tends to sit kind of deep in my chest, but it just feels like this kind of like sharp feeling deep in my chest whenever I'm feeling self-doubt. So it's really interesting to notice for you when you feel self-doubt coming up where it shows up in your body.

The second thing I want to share, which actually precedes the feeling of self-doubt in your body is where does self-doubt come from? Meaning where do all emotions come from? If you've been listening to any of these podcasts, you know the answer. Any feeling you have comes from your thoughts, at least when we're speaking about anything that isn't a big T trauma related. And we're not going to talk about that right now, but big T trauma is a separate topic. But if you're just having a run of the mill everyday experience, you're going to have thoughts about it. And then those thoughts are going to create feelings.

So if you are thinking about making a big pivot like moving to another city, right? Picking up your whole family and moving to another city. Let's say that's your pivot. You likely are going to have a lot of thoughts about that decision or about the idea of moving. And from those thoughts, you're going to also then create a lot of feelings because each thought is going to create a feeling for you. So you want to think about if you're feeling self-doubt, if you're feeling the emotion of self-doubt, in addition to feeling where it is in your body, you're going to want to wonder where did it come from? What's the thought that created the self-doubt? So if we use the example of moving your whole family to another city, the thought might be something like, I don't think we have the money for this, and that could create self-doubt. Or, I don't know if we can handle this as a family. It's going to be too hard for us. That might create self-doubt. Or I've never lived outside of my hometown before, I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if we can be happy there as a family. I don't know if I can be happy there. That's a couple different thoughts.

But let's say any one of those could create self-doubt. And that's where self-doubt comes from. It comes from thoughts that you have. Knowing that is really helpful because when self-doubt comes up, we tend to sort of like imagine it like it's like a big red stop sign and we're just like, nope, okay, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can pull this off. I don't know if I could be successful. And therefore I'm not going to proceed. I'm not going to even attempt this pivot. The key is to find thoughts that you actually believe and start practicing and using those to help you create feelings that are more useful for you than the feeling of self-doubt. So I will give you five of these ideas. Hopefully you can find one of these to sink your teeth into that can help you as you move forward. Or you can, as I said, customize it for you so that you can create thoughts that are going to be more helpful for you as you move forward into your own pivot.

So the first one I have is, and this is kind of the thesis of my whole coaching career and certainly my whole coaching business running pivot. running Pivot, it's this idea that you can start, stop, or do anything you want at any time. I mean this is what I coach on all day every day because for the most part the people that come to me are in their 30s or 40s and they want to make a change and they feel like I can't make that change because it's too late. I'm committed to other things. I have too many obligations. I should have done it sooner. I missed my window, et cetera, et cetera. Whatever your pivot is that you want to make, why are you letting some number, the number on the clock, the number on the calendar, whatever it is, why are you letting that dictate what it is that you want to do with your life? That's a question I want you to answer. Why are you letting some number that only has meaning when you put meaning to it, being 40 means nothing until you decide it does. Right? Being 50 means nothing until you decide it does. So why are you letting that number determine if you can actually move forward with a pivot that you want to make? Why are you deciding that you won't be able to make a pivot that you really want to make and failing ahead of time before you even try? Why do you assume you can't go back to school or change the career because it won't work for your family and you guys don't have the money and What there's just no way I don't have the time and there's no way I can do it Why are you deciding that now before you've even tried before you've even attempted you have? Absolutely, no idea how much you're capable of until you actually demand it of yourself And it's incredible when you raise the bar of what you expect from yourself, it's unbelievable to watch you meet and exceed that bar. Just give yourself a chance to be successful. Alright, that's the first one.

The second one, which is my favorite quote from Mindy Kaling, and she said it was her motto in life, which is, Why the fuck not me? And so I ask you that question. Why the fuck not you? And if you want to take that thought and use that as you move forward in your pivot, that one is an amazing one to overcome self-doubt with. I think this one all the time. It's on my phone, it's everywhere around my desk. I think about all the time the people who have accomplished the things that I want to accomplish and on paper they shouldn't have. On paper I have more of an advantage than them and they've done it and I haven't. So I think about that not to compare myself to other people but to use it as evidence. If that person can do it, why the fuck can't I?

Okay, number three is what are you waiting for? That is a big one. So this one, and again, this is one that you can ask yourself directly, what am I waiting for? Your answer is probably going to be something like, well, it's going to be a better time when the kids are finished with or, you know, when we have more money in the bank or when I after I get this next bonus, then we can revisit our finances or oh, after we refinance the house or whatever it is, there's always going to be something to wait for. There's always going to be a better time to do something than right now. So that is going to also play into self-doubt creeps in and allows you to procrastinate in a way that feels responsible. It feels like you're being thoughtful and responsible to say, well, you know, not right now, but maybe later. It's also a way for self-doubt to be sneaky because it's kicking the can down the road. It's not forcing you to act right now. It's letting you procrastinate. That's really important to be aware of. So if you are realizing that you want to do something but you're waiting for this and that and this and that at the end of the road, just know two things. One, there will never be a perfect time to take a risk. There will never be a perfect time to make your pivot because your brain will always be serving up to you ideas about why you shouldn't do something new, why you shouldn't make a change. That's just what your brain wants to do. That's what your brain was designed to do. So that's what your brain is going to do. So what are you waiting for? Answer that question and then look at that and think, okay, if all of these things were gone, if all of these things were not in the picture anymore, if those weren't obstacles, then what would I do? Your brain's gonna be like, well, but this and that, this and that, so just notice that because that's gonna be proof to you that, right, there's never going to be a time where your brain's like, nope, now is the time. Now is the time to quit the job and go start your career as an underwater basket weaver. Like, yep, it's great. Now's the time. This is awesome. Go for it. Your brain will never say that. You have to answer that question. What the fuck am I waiting for? Okay? And hopefully the answer is nothing. I'm moving forward. There will never be a perfect time. So you might as well get started now.

Okay, number four, and this is pretty closely related, but there will never be enough time, enough money, enough of fill in the blank. So go after whatever you want anyway. There will never be a time where you're looking at your money in the bank thinking, now's the time that I can take this big risk professionally. Now's the time that we can make this big purchase. Now, mathematically, there might be, you might think, okay, no, I need $400,000 to do the thing I want to do, and I only have $200,000 to my name. So no, I can't do it. Money is a problem. Okay, maybe there's not enough money there, but be aware of what's actually true and what is just self-doubt creeping in. What I mean by that is, maybe you don't have the actual cash to put towards something that you want to do. Is there another way that you could pay for the thing that you want? We all know there's a million ways to pay for things that we don't have the cash for. It's easy to just be like, no, I don't have the money, it's not gonna work. What is much more useful is to think, okay, I don't have the cash to do this right now, but what are other ways that I could pay for this? What are other ways that I could make this happen? I remember I had a coach who wanted to join another coaches program and she told a story I think it was like fifteen thousand dollars or something that she needed to come up with and she went to the woman who owned the coaching business that she wanted to join and said I have this skill and I will barter if I work for you for X amount of time then that would equal fifteen thousand dollars worth of value rather than collect a paycheck from you for this I would rather just take your course for free." And it worked out. She did it. So she didn't have to come up with $15,000. She found a way to pay for the thing that she wanted. So I say that to say there is never going to be enough in your brain because enough is just a phantom idea. Enough is an ever-moving goalpost. If you're not moving forward on your pivot because the word enough is somewhere in your head, that's a sure sign that you've got some self-doubt creeping in and that it's trying to get you to procrastinate or not move forward at all with what you want to do. And that's where you start to question it. Like, do I really not have enough time? What if I did have enough time? Then what could I do? Do I really not have enough money? Let's just say I could come up with the money. How might that happen? Your brain wants to solve problems and answer questions. So give it good problems to solve. Give it good questions to answer. Finish that sentence. I don't have enough hours in the day to do X, Y, and Z, but I do have enough hours in the day to do X. So what if I just start that? I don't have enough cash in the bank to do the thing I want to do, but I do have enough cash to get me started. And then I could find more money in a different way. Let me think about how. Like there's always a solution there. So just make sure that you're noticing when enough comes up. And if you notice it in your brain, know that that's self-doubt, and then ask your brain to solve the problem.

And then number five, which is the last one, and it builds right on number four, is action is the antidote to self-doubt. This is my favorite one. This one I came up with a while ago in terms of just like a thought in my head that was actually very useful for me when I was kind of spinning out in indecision over something and I thought I just need to take action and then my brain was like, I don't know what action to take and I was kind of flipping out. And the reality is it doesn't matter. Just start taking action. Very few things in life are irreversible. Very very few things can't be undone. If you're moving in one direction, if you take action in one direction and you realize it's not where you want to go, most of the time you could take a step back and reroute yourself. Just know that you need to start taking action in order to combat self-doubt. Notice how self-doubt never shows up when you're like lying in bed watching Hulu. That's not where self-doubt is. Self-doubt shows up when you're trying to make a pivot, when you're trying to do something new. So you have to start taking action in order to overcome the self-doubt. Otherwise, you're just left with your thoughts and feelings. And if you can't change your thoughts right away to there's no way I can fail at this, I definitely am going to succeed, which most of us can't get there right away, then you want to start taking action so that you have some evidence for what's working and what isn't, and then you lean further into what's working. You do this while you're working on your mindset, like we said, in steps one and two, and all of a sudden, you have the perfect combination of events to overcome your self-doubt.

Just know this, your self-doubt is always going to be there. You're never going to totally get rid of it. And again, that's just your brain's way of functioning and trying to keep you safe. Nothing's gone wrong when your self-doubt pops up, but just notice that it's there and then lean on any one of these five ideas or whatever you've come up with. Know that the self-doubt is there, but you can quiet it by putting these better thoughts that create better feelings right on top of it. That's the goal. That's how you get yourself moving in the direction you really want to go.

So that being said, if you guys want help, if you want to chat through any of these ideas or anything that came up for you today, you can always find me. I'm over at makeyourpivot.co. There's a million ways to get in touch with me over there. I would encourage you to sign up for a free 60-minute consult. I have opened up a bunch more spots in my calendar for this fall. So if you are interested or curious and just wanna jump on a call for 60 minutes, all of that information's over on makeyourpivot.co. Head over there as well as a bunch of other ways that we can get in touch.

All right, I hope you guys like this episode and I will see you on the next one.