Coaches Say A Lot of Shit…(and some of it is actually useful)
Coaches say a lot of shit. Some of it is helpful. And some of it is “coach speak”, and not very useful until we unpack it a bit. One of those which took me some time to get my head around when I first started coaching is “wanting from abundance”.
What the F is that?
Basically what it means is learning the skill (and it is a SKILL, and it’s not something we are usually taught how to do) of appreciating what we have now, and THEN wanting more because it’s fun, or because it feels good, or because we’re curious or excited….As opposed to feeling like what we have now isn’t enough, and then wanting more to fill that void (or “wanting from lack”) - and this never works out well.
Why? Let’s unpack it….
Whatever we want, we want because of how we think we will feel when we have it. Think about it - you want a new house? A better relationship? A new job? Another kid? To get in shape? To write a book? To travel? Whatever it is you want, you want because of how you think you will feel once you have that thing. For example:
Client says to me: “I want to buy a new home”
Me: “Why?”
Client: “Well, it’s a good investment”.
Me: “Why is that important?”
Client: “I want to be smart with my money and real estate a good place to put it”.
Me: “But why?” (at this point I’m on the verge of reeeeally annoying said client, but also reeeeally close to helping her/him see my point):
Client: “I want my money to grow”
Me: “Why? ….”
Client (annoyance is now palpable): “Because I want to have more for the future so I won’t have to worry about money when I’m retired”.
And boom there it is: The reason this client really wants to buy the house is to feel more secure about the future. There’s nothing wrong with this - it’s just good to know that what we want, we want because of how we think we will FEEL in the getting of it.
But since our thoughts - NOT our circumstances- create or feelings, what ends up happening is that we chase the thing we want, we get it, and then our feeling doesn’t change….Feelings are vibrations in our body. They’re there until we deal with them. So yeah, we may buy the house to feel more secure, but if we haven’t done the thought work to deal with the worry/insecurity that led us to buy the house, that vibration will still be there, and we will eventually (usually sooner than later!) start to feel that need for security bubble up again. We have the house now, and the market dips….or we realize we need more insurance…or we lose our jobs….or someone gets sick and medical expense comes up we didn’t expect…..and we are right back to feeling insecure. Getting the thing - the house, in this case - didn’t fix the feeling. It never does.
This happens over and over to us. Until we realize that feelings come from our thoughts, we will keep chasing THINGS - or circumstances- to make ourselves feel better.
But what if you could just feel however you really wanted to feel (like secure) RIGHT NOW? What if, rather than buying a home, or a car, or getting a new job, or leaving your marriage, or getting married to feel secure, your thinking was “I know I will be fine in the future, no matter what, because I’ve always found a way to make things work.”
What if you could practice thoughts now that create the feeling of security right now, and from THERE, from feeling secure, you go and buy the new house (or car, to get the new job, or start the business, or choose the partner….) not because it will give you security, but just because you WANT to? For the joy of it? For the fun of it? For the opportunity to have a new experience?
It’s totally possible to manage your mind so that you can feel how you want to feel in the future RIGHT NOW - and then take action from there.
What would change for you if you stopped wanting things from lack, or fear, or insecurity, or worry, and decided to want from abundance instead? From a place of “I have what I need, AND it will be fun to have more!”
What would be different in your life if that was your mindset?