It's Never About the Money, Honey
Money…..
Is there a more loaded word?
Once upon a time sex, money and politics were the trifecta of taboo topics - those to not be talked about over family dinner, avoid-at-all-costs, type of topics. But times have changed….kinda.
The advent of the internet ushered in a cultural shift in which sex was everywhere - as it always had been - but no longer hidden. Sex, once a moral and secretive topic, is now political and public. Sexual rights, reproductive rights, and sex in the work place are headline news. Major brands are bringing sex to the masses with products to enhance our experinces, and cuktural thought leaders are speaking openly about the relationhip between sex and our health. Talking about sex has become not only more mainstream than ever, but also more necessary.
As far as politics, 2016 came around and suddenly talking politics became a national pastime (however infuriating and incendiary it may have been, and still remains). Taking a stand, being aware of the political landscape, knowing which “side” you were on is now unavoidable commonplace conversation.
But money? That one is still sticky…..
That one, we still don’t talk about at parties or over family dinners. That one is still taboo. Case in point: I know how often most of my close friends are sleeping with their partners but I have no idea how much those same close friends earn a in year.
Money remains our last taboo topic frontier. Why?
Because it’s never about the money, honey.
What a friend earns in a year is not the issue; it’s the thought we have that attaches meaning to that number that is.
If I tell people I rent my home instead of own it, that’s not an issue….until I think a thought that has me feeling some kind of way about that.
When the credit card payment comes due each month, the balance reflected back at me on the screen is not an issue; my thought about what that balance means about me as a person is.
We tie so much meaning to money. But we never unpack why….Why does it mean so much to us? Why do we let it define our self worth? Why are we so scared to talk about it, share it, or even look at it for some of us? Why is there so much SHIT around money?
Money is simply a fact. It’s a circumstance. It just exists. If I say I have $10K in my checking account, and I ask 5 people what that means, I’ll probably get 5 different answers:
That’s not enough
That’s a lot
That’s what I have
That’s a waste to let it sit in a checking account
That’s the perfect amount to sit in a checking account
The money has no meaning until we have a thought about it…..THEN it means all kinds of things.
That’s what I mean when I say it’s never about the money, honey. It’s about all of the crap we think and feel about the money. It’s about how we act around the money. It’s about the story we tell ourselves about money. It’s about the story other people have told us about the money…..
Society told women they couldn’t open a bank account in the U.S. until the 1960s
Banks have been practicing redlining - systematically denying financial services to residents of minority neighborhoods - for as long as they’ve been operating
Generations of Americans were told that home buying was the one surefire way to secure your future - then 2008 happened
Financial expert Dave Ramsey tells people credit cards are bad, even thought for many they’re the best way to build a credit history which is needed by many for big purchases…(honestly, don’t get me started on Dave Ramsey).
We’re all told that debt is bad. And then we’re told to go buy a home because debt isn’t so bad as long as you owe it to a bank.
Ron Swanson converted all his money to gold and buried it in the woods of Pawnee because he didn’t trust banks.
OK that last one is fictional but still, the point is made - money is not the problem. Our thoughts about it is where we get all messed up. (Also I can’t resist a Parks and Rec reference if I can squeeze one in).
Money is a circumstance. Our thoughts about it are what create our feelings, actions, and results with money…..So the best way to manage your money? Start with your thoughts. Start with your mindset. Get in there and figure out what messy stories you have about money, why you think what you think, why you have what you have in the bank (or in gold in your yard, whatever).
And then go tell your friend how much you make. Because why not? You know now that it’s never about the money, honey.